


stOP IT JOhN RIgHT NOw

by soupcow



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Other, darn it john, im so sorry, it does not go well, john does frickity frack, what the fricl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 15:05:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soupcow/pseuds/soupcow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John does the windy thing.</p><p>With his dick.</p><p>It does not end well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stOP IT JOhN RIgHT NOw

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this as a dare a year ago and i recently rediscovered it and i feel very uncomfortable knowing i wrote this i am sorry
> 
> oh and sorry about the spacing this was off my phone

"Oh, John," You drawl seductively. "Do the windy thing, babe."

Finally he pulls out his half-hard cock, grinning. You move forward in anticipation, but he puts a hand on your chest, and tells you to stand back. Pouting a bit, you express your disappointment using a few inappropriate terms. Rolling his eyes, he takes his dick in one hand.

Now we're getting somewhere, you think to yourself.

 

Suddenly, he slowly begins spinning it in a circle, his whole arm moving in a circular fashion. You stand there watching, feeling a mixtute of actue confusion and strange captivation. Was this a new "thing?" It seemed pretty kinky, but you always managed to keep an open mind with John.

Spinning it faster, you lift your eyes to his and share a smoldering gaze. You glance down and notice his now-flaccid penis looks elongated and closely resembles helicopter blades in motion.

 

You are starting to feel uncomfortable. He is still staring at you.

His wang, which apparently is being stretched from the centripetal force, is much too long now to be considered healthy.

"Um....John. You can stop now," Shifting to the other foot, you try not to look downwards. You do, and are horrified.

 

Books from the nightstand and the bed covers have risen off their solid surfaces, and were floating in midair.

 

"John, really, stop!" You tell him. "What the fuck!" A sharp breeze whips through your hair.

All the lightweight furniture in the room lifts off of the ground. You scream on utter terror when you follow, levitating stomach-down over the floor. The bed rises up three feet off of the green carpet. The breeze has turned into a violent windstorm. The flimsy apartment wallpaper starts peeling off the walls.

"JOHN, STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" You yell over the sound of the wind.

His eyes are blank and it scares you. "I can't stop what's already begun!" He shouts as loudly as he can, but still you can't hear him very well. It's too loud.  
Screeching, you're sucked into a gray vortex in the middle of the room. John calmly stands in the corner, still spinning his cock at impossible speeds.

 

When you told John to do the windy thing, you only wanted to make a witty joke in the heat of romance. You never wanted it to be this way.

 

You are stuck inside his penis tornado. Forevermore.

**Author's Note:**

> There were no survivors.


End file.
